STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, the picture pretty much sums up how I feel tonight.  I'm stressed...to say the least.  Between the pre-op liquid diet, the pre-op physicals, work and things in my personal life I'm pretty much tapped out right now.  I thought by watching The Biggest Loser (dvr'd from Tuesday) it would calm me down and I could relax.  Sure, relaxing is fun if you like crying your way thru the whole show!  LOL  But, listening to their stories and seeing their pain really hit home.  It was then that I decided that I need to work on a few things before surgery October 5.



I had a grandmother that was beyond mean to me.  She would tell me I'd be cute if I wasn't so fat, things like that.  Those words have haunted me since I was 5 years old and to this day I can still remember what I was feeling and how she made me feel.  Those words have followed me into adulthood and it's time I let them go.  It's time for me to forgive my grandmother, no matter how much she hurt me or how mean she was to me.  

The other thing I need to change is my attitude.  It has changed a lot, don't get me wrong.  But I am fat!  No matter how you look at it, I'm fat.  I need to own that.  I did this to myself and have no one to blame but myself.  I need to accept these facts, move on and stop dwelling over it.  I'm doing something about it and I need to act like it!   Now, these 2 things are baby steps, there's no doubt about that, but by changing these things it makes me a better person, a more positive person and a happier person.  After all, this journey is about me and bettering myself...so why wait!