It's Never Easy Admitting Failure...

Oh, here I am!!!!

I've been sitting here, trying to think about how I'm going to approach this blog post.  It's never easy admitting that you have been sliding backwards in your weight loss journey.  But it's time I throw up the white flag and admit it.  I have gained some of my weight back.  Enough that I need to be held accountable for it.  And to start being held accountable, it's going to start here today with this first blog post since December 2013.

So, where have I been?  NOT working out.  NOT watching my food intake.  NOT eating healthy.  NOT food planning.  NOT keeping appointments with my surgeon..  Basically, I've been doing nothing.  There you have it-I haven't been accountable for a single thing in my weight loss life, including this blog.  Having this blog being public and shared on my social media was one way of keeping myself in check.  You all were unknowingly part of what kept me going and kept me aware of my weight loss (or lack thereof right now).

I have gained back some weight-too much for me to be comfortable with.  I'm finding myself buying bigger shirts, or pulling out older clothes from early on in my journey.  This needs to stop, there's no excuse for this, but believe me, I've managed to find every one of them in the book.  "But I work 12 hour shifts."  "It's too hard to plan ahead on a shift like this."  "I don't get off of work until 7pm, by then it's too late to go for a walk."  "I don't like to drink plain water."  And those are just the excuses on the days I work!  I didn't come this far to fail, failure is not an option.  

Now that I've fessed up, it's time to do something about it.  It's only a lot of hot air if you don't have a plan of attack or goals in place.  

• The first thing I'm going to do is schedule an appointment with my surgeon and nutritionist.  Are they going to be unhappy?  Yes.  Do I need to hear it?  Yes.  It's part of being held accountable.
• Exercise.  Plain and simple.  That's it.  I miss running, I really do.  I'm not sure I'll ever get back to that point, but I sure as heck need to try!
• Menu Planning/Planning Ahead.  I did very well when I was doing this.  Every WLS person knows our daily struggle and anxiety with food.  Not planning ahead can turn into a downward spiral very quickly.  And once you get out of the habit, it's even easier to just keep going down the rabbit hole.
• Stay Positive.  The changes that I made back in 2010 did not form overnight.  The weight I've put on in the last almost 3 years didn't come on overnight, so it's not going to go away overnight. 
• Keep this blog going, even if people I know don't read it, it's out there which means someone will see it.  

They say it takes about 21 days to form a habit, so hang in there with me.  You  may not hear from me daily, but I'm not going off the grid again.  THE Midwest Former Fat Girl is back!

Until next time!

Kates

The Search For The Perfect Recipe

Ah yes, searching for the perfect recipe.  What is it?  I have no idea!  I have been searching and searching, writing and writing since about 2 weeks post op trying to find recipes that remind of pre-surgery life but without all the calories, fat, carbs and sugar.  So, how is it going you might ask?  Great, considering I have no idea what I'm looking for. 

I have been going through Food Network Magazines, Taste of Home cookbooks and WLS recipe blogs.  All in all I have written down 2 notebooks (3 subjects each) of recipes that I think sound good, look good or just peaked my interest.  I'm beginning to wonder if this is some sort of a transfer addiction for me since I will sit here night after night and scan recipes and write them down.  One thing is for sure, my handwriting is actually getting better! 

So, what are my plans for all of these recipes?  I have no idea!  I've been thinking of going through them and adding all the stats to them and then typing them up, printing them out and putting them in a binder.  Kind of like a WLS cookbook I guess you could say.  I have written down where or who the recipe came from so I can track it back later in case I have questions or want to post them here to give credit where credit is due.  Any other ideas?  Any blogs or sites you guys think I should check out?  Let me know, I would love to look at them.

New Year's Resolutions...Do I Or Don't I?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!  How did you ring in 2011?  I rang mine in, sitting in the ER.  I have had this super nasty sinus infection and had gotten new antibiotics Thursday afternoon.  While I was sitting at work yesterday and I noticed this horrible, bumpy rash starting on my arms.  By the time I got off work at 10pm, it had spread to my legs and chest.  After getting home from work, I realized it was only getting worse, so I headed to the ER.  I ended up walking out about 12:20am with a handful of new meds and prescriptions and headed home.  Happy New Year to me LOL 

I had been going back and forth over the last week debating about making any resolutions and of course the first one that came to mind was to lose weight.  That has been a resolution of mine for years and years, but this year, it's not a resolution it's a must, so I moved on.  Work has been pretty stressful lately and with being sick I've just been plain crabby and I hate it!  I have got to get snapped out of this funk and fast!

So, that being said, one of my resolutions is to be more positive.  Not only with others but with myself.  I have come a long way in a small amount of time and I need to be proud and happy of that.  I have a hard time taking compliments because, as many of you know, fat people don't get told they are looking really good.  That they are getting...wait for it...wait for it...SKINNY!  Now, I'm a far cry from skinny, but I am getting smaller and I need to learn to embrace those compliments and go with them. My co-workers have now started calling me skinny and it's starting to grow on me!

Another resolution of mine?  To keep my mouth shut...so I'm going to have my tongue cut out.  Just kidding!  Along with keeping my mouth shut comes more patience and perhaps with those 2 things combined, I can do it!  I guess that would fall under restraint, but it's going to be a tough one.  I have always been very outspoken, but I need to learn to pick my battles. 

I have other little resolutions, but these are my main ones that need to be worked on first.  I may need some help staying on track, but I know I can do this, right?  Today is the day to start fresh and new, but if I start to fail along the way, I'm not going to give up like I have in the past with my weight loss.  I'm going to stay strong, stay positive and stay healthy!

I Feel Pretty Good About Myself After Yesterday

Yesterday was my 1st Thanksgiving since RNY on October 5, 2010.  I had to work from 10am to 10pm and I thought it was going to be a breeze.  I was completely wrong!  We had a potluck at work, on top of having the traditional Thanksgiving meal at lunchtime.

I pretty much ate my way thru the entire day, but I made sure the eats were high protein "meals" and I was very careful to make sure I got extra fluids in, paying close attention to our drinking rules:  No drinking 1/2 hour before, during or 1/2 hour after a meal.  

I started out with my breakfast being a slice of cheese and a slice of salami.  At lunch I had a little bit of turkey with gravy (I couldn't pass up the gravy), 1/2 of a deviled egg and 3 small bites of mashed potatoes with gravy.  Later in the afternoon I had another slice of cheese and another slice of salami.  Dinner was a small amount of homemade baked beans with Lil' Smokies (WLS friendly recipe) and a snack before bed of a deviled egg. 

I was really upset with myself for eating so much yesterday, especially since we're not supposed to snack at all, we get 3 meals all day, that's it and I broke the rules.  But when I look back at it this morning, it wasn't all THAT bad.  Everything was high protein and very small portions and best of all, the scale didn't move up at all!  After mentally beating myself up for yesterday, I got to thinking...yesterday only happens once a year.  I haven't been eating like that for the last 7 weeks and one day isn't going to make or break me for my weight loss journey.  I didn't over do anything, I didn't have any pumpkin pie, I didn't have a ton of sugar...I enjoyed my day at work, I enjoyed my holiday and given the choice, I would do it again!

Planning Ahead For Thanksgiving

Many of us probably feel the same way that turkey does since our WLS, I know I do.  But thanks to Pam and her tips and the recipes from The Girls I'm feeling better about my 1st big holiday post-op and I'm not even attending a Thanksgiving! 

I have to work that day from 10am to 10pm in dispatch which is fine by me.  The cook in the jail is fixing a Thanksgiving lunch with turkey, stuffing and all the fixings and since we're working we get a free tray (we get a free tray anytime we work a shift that is during a meal time) and then some.  Rex, my favorite jail cook always piles our trays with extra goodies and super huge portions.  Which was great last year, but I'm kind of dreading it this year.  Although I can't have the stuffing and potatoes (yet) I can have the turkey and the gravy.  Will I?  I'm not sure yet.  I'm going to pack my lunch and dinner still just in case I panic and don't feel I can handle the holiday feast.

I also need to take something potluck style because we do a potluck that day as well.  Since the administration is gone, it's just us lonely dispatchers and jailers all day long.  I used to always take vegetable cheese soup, but after looking at the package, I decided there's too much sugar and sodium in there for my liking and I'm not going to bring something I can't have.  So, I need some ideas.  I can't have raw veggies yet and someone else is already bringing the meat and cheese tray.  I was thinking of picking something off of Eggface's site or maybe something from The Foodies site, but I cant make up my mind.  HELP!!!

It's The Little Things

My goodness...it's been a very long time since I have checked in!  Granted it's only been a little over a week, but where did the time go?  I don't know that I can even remember everything I've been up to.  I can tell you, I've been up to dropping some more pounds!  It's the best feeling in the world.  Well, that and FINALLY being able to eat red grapes.  Oh, my red grapes, how I've missed you!

I have reached the point in my diet where I can have my vegetables back (except for corn and potatoes) and I have my fruits back.  I never realized how much I loved my red grapes until I couldn't have them anymore.  I have been following a strict diet since September 21 (2 weeks pre-op) and never in a million years did I think I would miss fruits, especially my grapes.  I can also have creamy soups, stews and chili...and just in time for cooler weather and hopefully soon winter.  Although, I'm starting to notice how much colder I am and I've only dropped about 35 pounds, but it must be enough to make me chilly!  Yet again, another great feeling, believe it or not.

I think for dinner I'm going to make some broccoli and cheese soup, but I need to dig up some protein (because I'm still falling very short on my daily totals) so I might throw in some turkey or something into my bowl.  Or I've been thinking about making one of those Yoplait Smoothies that's already prepackaged and throwing in a scoop of protein powder.  And if I make it with milk, that should help too.  Hmm...I just might be onto something here!

My First Lunch Out With My Mom

Today was a pretty big day for me!  I am officially just over 3 weeks out from my surgery and so far I have lost 30 pounds and I have gone down a shirt size and a pant size!  It has been an incredible feeling and I LOVE it!  But also equally exciting was going out to lunch today with my mom and doing some shopping.

We started out by going to a couple of gift shops and wouldn't you know it, I didn't find anything for me, but I found a couple of things for my nieces and nephews.  They always score big when I go shopping with my mom LOL  Then we went to Lowe's so I could pick up a new front light.  We had a really bad wind storm come thru Tuesday and Wednesday this week and it took out my light pole, so I kind of needed to get that fixed.  Then it was off to Super Wal-Mart, Hobby Lobby and Jo-Ann's.

But the best parts were yet to come.  Up next was the quilt shop for some fat quarters.  I'm making my sister and a co-worker these for their birthdays and I hope they like them!  Then, finally after starting our day out at 10am it was time for lunch!

There aren't many choices for someone that is just over 3 weeks out who is just adding deli meat and cheese sticks to their diet, so we decided on Panera Bread hoping to find something with a broth.  To my surprise, they had a creamy tomato soup that I thought sounded pretty darned good.  Their soup comes with HUGE croutons and your choice of an apple or chips.  I asked for mine to go, without the croutons and with an apple.  I couldn't wait to dig into this creamy yumminess even though I was a little nervous about how my pouch would handle it.  Good news!  It went over GREAT!  I didn't eat much and of course didn't touch my apple (I'm hoping to save it for next week when I get my fruits back) but now I lunch for tomorrow too.

As my mom and I were sitting there, I made the comment how amazing it was that after a few bites of this soup, I felt full and it was a good feeling.  Not that horrible, after Thanksgiving, I'm going to hurl feeling, but a feeling that made me proud.  I knew I couldn't finish the whole thing when I ordered (hence the to go bowl) and was perfectly happy with the small amount that I had eaten.  Every day, I find out something new or figure out something new about my pouch and I love it.  I've had more good experiences than bad and I'm so glad I decided to take this huge step in my life.  Everyday I'm doing a little better, feeling a little better, but most importantly, I'm living a lot better!

I Made It Thru Surgery!!!!

That's right!  You read it right, I made it thru surgery!  I had surgery October 5 (last Tuesday) and got to come home that Thursday.  It's been a bit of a challenge, but I haven't had any major regrets so far.  My mom and dad were at my side the whole time and a couple of friends took time to stop down and see me too!  I received some really pretty flowers and lots of balloons from friends and family as well.  My nurses and techs were wonderful people and made my recovery that much easier.

I had an upper GI today down in Des Moines.  That is one test I'll never have again if I have a say in it LOL  That contrast was horrible and made me gag, but I made it thru it.  I went back up to the 4th floor to drop off thank you gifts to my nurses and techs and then we headed back home.  I'm pretty tired, but very proud that I walked the entire time, not one single ride in the wheel chair.  I have another appointment tomorrow in Des Moines and hopefully get my drainage tube removed so I can really be on the mend.  I also meet with the dietitian and go over my new meal plans and get to start soft foods on Saturday as long as everything from today's tests come back okay.

I know this update is short, but it's time for me to sip, sip, sip, walk, walk, walk, and sleep, sleep, sleep!   Thank you for all of your well wishes, thoughts and prayers!!!!!

Well....This Is It!!!!!

I just started my surgery prep, so there's no turning back now!!!! I had to drink that lovely bottle of magnesium citrate followed by 2 glasses of water.  I decided to get the grape flavor and have it over ice.  I mean, how bad can it be, right?  It's grape!  WRONG!!!!  It was worse than the original lemon-lime flavor, if that is possible.  Guess what, it's possible!  It was so sour it made my cheeks pucker and they actually hurt from the sourness.  I suppose now the fun starts.
 
Actually the fun does start, because after tomorrow, I will be on my new journey.  Onto a new me, a better me...a skinnier me!  I think for the first time, I am actually excited.  Excited and truly happy.

Getting Ready For The Big Day!!!

Well, the big day is almost here!  I can't believe it...October 5th will be here before I know it.  So, to keep me busy and my mind off of surgery I have been cleaning like a mad woman with my mom since yesterday morning.  So far we have tackled the kitchen, the dining room and living room.  We rearranged the pantry and went thru all of the plastic storage containers.  We also did the floor in the kitchen and we just got done cleaning the carpets in the dining room and living room.  Up next is the bathroom before tonight and then I think I'll be done until tomorrow.  Tomorrow brings me the real excitement though...mowing the yard, doing laundry and straightening up my bedroom, 3 things I hate.  After that is done, I can finally relax!  But by then it will be Monday and I will have to prep for surgery.  This weekend is going by fast, but it's nice to know that when I get home, I won't have to do anything at all but get better.

Finally After 10 Days...

It's been no secret that I've been on my liquid diet for the past 10 days for surgery.  And finally today the scale moved down...not up!  I had gained a pound starting this darn diet and today I lost that pound plus another 4!  It's beginning to make the diet tolerable and now that I'm seeing results, I think I can really do this!  I didn't think this diet would get any easier, but for the last 2 days, it has been a breeze.  Now, maybe its because I've been at work all day, or maybe it's because my head and stomach are finally getting it.  But whatever it is, I'm pretty darn pumped, even if it is only 4 pounds. 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

Why is it so hard to dump my relationship with Diet Coke?  We have been on and off for many months now, but lately we have been getting along really well.  It was kind of unexpected, but it was a welcome change.  Just a couple of months ago, I said goodbye to the caffeine drama and had an affair with water.  Any kind of water that came along...ice water, flavored water, carbonated water.  It didn't matter as long as it was water.  Then something happened.  I started missing my one and only true love.



Ever since then, we've been going strong, picking up where we left off.  It was like we had never been apart.  Well, love of my life, it is time for a clean break.  A break that will hurt and be painful, but it has to be done.  Starting tomorrow, I will no longer be involved with Diet Coke.  We are not good for each other, in fact, we are somewhat volatile together.  I'm sorry it has come to this, but it is something I must do...I will always love you!