Monday, May 29, 2017

Is Starting Over (Im)Possible?

We've all be there.  And if you're sitting there saying you haven't been, give it time, you will be.  I have yet to met a single weight loss surgery patient who hasn't pushed the limits of their new pouches, who haven't cheated or just plain given up on their diet.  I will be the first to admit I have fallen completely off the bad.  Restricted diet?  What's that?  Is that something I'm supposed to be doing 7 years post-op?

Who remembers the complete and total bliss of not feeling hungry after surgery?  Who else remembers the excitement of actually wanting to get on the scale because you knew you had lost weight?  And remember how much fun it was to go shopping for a new pair of jean because you were buying a smaller size?  Ahhhh....the good old days of weight loss euphoria.

But on the flip side, who remembers the first time you got food stuck?  OUCH!  Or that time your pouch decided it didn't like a food that it liked the day before?  OUCH!  Or when your whole body hurt and you used to be able to pop a couple of ibuprofen and make the pain go away....does Tylenol even do anything or help with pain?

When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you decided to take the good with the bad.  Hoping, praying there would be more good times than bad and for most people the good times far outshine the bad.  We wouldn't have decided to have this surgery if we hadn't thought it would be worth it, right?  So what changed?  Where did things go wrong?  Where did you turn left instead of right?

You know what happened?  You're human.  I'm human.  I am a perfect example of what happens when you think you have a handle on things.  I think I have a handle on my diet so I can start eating things I know I shouldn't, but damn it, I just want to have it.  I think I can have more than one beer in 24 hours because damn it, I want it!  I can eat out more often, it's okay, because I'm not eating as much (lies, lies, lies), but damn it, I want to be normal!
But what is normal?  Normal is defined as conforming to a standard: usual, typical, or expected.  I don't know about you, but I signed away my definition of normal at about 6:30am October 5, 2010 when I checked into the hospital to have weight loss surgery.  We no longer have the typical definition of normal.  We have new definitions and they are anything BUT normal.  We have taken everything we have ever known when it comes to food and eating: mixed it up, moved it around, rearranged it, spit it back out and here we are...some of us are fractions of the person we were before.  Some of us (me) are a bit fluffier than what we would like to be, which brings me back to my post title, do you think starting over is (im)possible?  I know I've said many different times that I've had it and that I'm starting my diet...again.  No exceptions!  I jump in head first, hardcore and then I bottom out and fail.  Every.Single.Time.  When am I going to learn?  I didn't gain all of my weight overnight, it's not going to come off overnight.  Every time I start over full force it feels so overwhelming, I get so discouraged, I end up giving up.  

This time I have decided to take on this task a couple steps at a time.  My first step?  Giving up soda FOR GOOD.  I'm very good about giving it up for a week or two, but then the weekend comes along and I sneak one in.  Not anymore.  Today is one week soda free.  My next step?  Picking a healthier morning snack.  Every day at work at about 11am or so, I would get hungry so I would snack on either some crackers or chips.  Not anymore.  My new snack?  Oikos Yogurt if I'm even feeling hungry.  Up next?  Logging food.  Man, I hate, hate, HATE logging my food, but it keeps me accountable.  And last but not least that I actually just started doing today is adding a handful (which is about 1 cup) of fresh raw spinach to my morning protein shake.  I know it sounds weird and I was very doubtful, but I'm telling you, you can't taste it and it only adds 7 calories to your shake.  7...that's it!  7 little calories and you have a simple serving of your veggies in.  

So, of May 29 2017, it is possible to start over.  You can start over too, you just need to find out what is going to work for you.  Some people do better if they jump in head first, but after numerous attempts, I've found I'm failing.  I'm going to focus on making good, solid changes and work my way from there.  I can do this.  WE can do this.  We didn't come this far for nothing! 

Until next time!

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1 comment:

  1. Thank you for your honest, transparent, encouragement-filled post. I'm with ya!


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